Redefining Me

I think being a first-time mom can leave you with a bit of an identity crisis. I know it's been a challenge for me anyway. In large part that's because I really identified who I was with what I did - my job - before having a baby. I was (am) a teacher. So much of myself was linked to teaching. It's hard for that not to happen when you spend the majority of your time doing something. And as any teacher will tell you - the job involves much more than just the hours in the classroom! I got a great deal of fulfillment from teaching as well and really enjoyed doing it. So to go from working fulltime to being a fulltime stay-at-home mom was a BIG adjustment. I was still busy, but it's definitely a different kind of busyness. In those early days I really struggled with going stir-crazy; the tedium of being home all day. I've always lived a very active, on-the-go lifestyle, so it was difficult in the beginning - especially having a baby in the middle of a very cold winter. Plus there was that lose of my teaching identity. I missed my school and my students and the people I worked with. I missed that sense of accomplishment and satisfaction when I planned a really great, engaging lesson.

But here's the thing. I was really determined to be a SAHM. And not just a mediocore, grin-and-bear-it one, but a GREAT one. This had been my desire since I was young. My husband and I had talked about why this was important to us and our family and we had planned to make it happen financially.  And I felt it was the Lord's intention for me at this stage in my life. But yep, I missed my job, and some days were boring, and I often found myself jealous of my husband who got to go interact with adults for 8 hours a day. So how was I going to fix that?? I certainly didn't want to spend my days wishing I was somewhere else.

I found I really had to make a CHOICE each day when I woke up. A choice to embrace the day with a positive attitude. To be really present and intentional in my time with my son and my husband. To look for opportunities to connect with other moms. To make my home a warm and welcoming place. To nourish my family with healthy food. To lavish them to with love. To give thanks in all circumstances. To embrace the joy of silly songs and faces. To challenge and stretch my mind with great books or new projects. To remind myself of how blessed I am to have this precious time with my baby. And most of all, to choose to find my identity in Christ. When everything else is stripped away, who I am is founded and fixed in Him.

... and it got easier each day. I'm sure part of that was just adjusting over time, but I know I also had to learn to define myself differently. My sense of fulfillment is no longer found in my job, but in the choices I make to live my life fully each day. Ann Voskamp's subtitle for her wonderful book One Thousand Gifts is, "A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are" (emphasis mine). In the middle of oatmeal flinging at breakfast... of endless renditions of B-I-N-G-O... of poop explosions... of castle-building... of tear-wiping... of horsey rides... of baby kisses and bedtime cuddles. All those everyday, wonderful (and sometimes smelly!) moments that make up a life.

I'm still working at defining myself as an almost fulltime stay-at-home mom (I'm supply teaching one day a week so I don't lose my spot!)... but it's a wonderful journey to be on... and every day is different than the one before and I'm determined to live them out to their fullest!